Posts Tagged ‘fire’

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Sometimes I feel a bit redundant

September 27, 2010

Yeah, what the heading said.

So, I’m in this weird state of mind where I look at what the people in my husband’s family do (career wise, spiritually, educationally, etcetera) and I wonder what on Earth I’m doing there. I don’t belong there. Everything that I have considered unique about me, or specific to my self identity, has already been taken up by other people there. Strange that it should bother me so much, but here we are!

I used to be an obsessive musician. Granted, I was never a virtuoso, but many people remarked on my innate gift for music. I was even the inaugural music captain at my high school (13 years ago, that was!). Then I moved to the suburbs, joined a brilliant mega-church, and discovered that good musicians are a dime-a-dozen. So, I gave up my music. Oh, I occasionally strum the guitar and I can help my kids with their own piano studies, but I feel like a part of me has died a very painful death in giving up music. Listening to the Karnivool album ‘Sound Awake’ this afternoon, I had to admit that putting my beloved 5-string bass guitar in its case and stuffing it away behind the chest-of-drawers in my bedroom was a terrible, terrible thing. I really should dust the poor neglected guitars off and play, even if just for my own sanity.

Perhaps I’m just in a low point in my life. I look at the high-flying, high-achieving 20-somethings around me and compare myself to them. I’m in my late 20s and what do I have to show for it? A still as-yet-incomplete uni course on the go, no job, no music. I struggle with the things I love, art and writing. I just have to keep reminding myself that other Australian women my age often aren’t married with children like I am, and it feels good thinking that my youngest will be finishing high school when I’m 40 years old!

In all the self-loathing and moaning and carrying on, I have neglected my Bible study. So, in order to combat this, today I spent an hour scouring a Bible study website to begin a word study on the “elements”: earth, wind, fire, and water. Talk about a massive topic! It should keep me occupied for some time.

Hopefully, as I pour myself into God and into the bigger picture, I will begin to regain my confidence and strength. I hope that one day I can create something beautiful and worthwhile.

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324. Multi-Coloured Rose

March 27, 2009

200903-flokot-art1Photograph, February 2009.

Some of my readers may have heard of the terrible heatwave, bushfires and severe storms that have hit the state of Victoria, Australia, in the previous month. February is normally marked by uncomfortable heat, but this year was a record breaker in terms of temperature, and in the number of people killed by the bushfires. When, in early March, Victorians received text messages from the police warning of coming storms, it was time for more tension and fear. Thankfully those storms weren’t as devastating as initially expected, and the rains they brought were a definite blessing!

So it was nice that, in admist the chaos, my poor little pot plants actually survived. We had pretty much abandoned them in search of air conditioning, but here they were, still waiting. This rose bush produces these amazing multi-coloured red-and-yellow roses. I had intended to do a daily series of photographs of this bud flowering, but was distracted by the storm preparations…

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More information…

about bushfires and heatwaves in Victoria:

Country Fire Authority

Google Image Search for Victorian bushfires

The March 2009 Text Message… – at news.com.au

Victoria’s Record Breaking Heatwave, 2009 – Bureau of Meteorology

All links accessed 5 March 2009.

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